Today my baby brother has turned 20! That’s weird, I just turned 20. It’s weird because he just was this jealous little bastard. He just beheaded my Barbie dolls. He just locked my room and hid the keys. He just threw his Playstation against the wall. He just cried because our cat was taken to the vet. He just cried because our dad moved out. He just cried because our mum went to work. And he just laughed at the photos I sent to him from New Zealand. He just smiled at the shirt I got for him for Christmas. He just told me that gross joke he didn’t understand himself. He just let me dress him up and put make-up on his face. Just a mere moment ago. And now, he just turned 20. Just high-fived me, just carried me home when I was too drunk to walk, just talked about Doctor Who with me until 4am.
Growing up is just such a strange concept to grasp. Maybe not for our own growing-up, but for the people around us doing it. I used to be glad to spend time away from my brother, now his being around is a reason for me to stay. When I leave it’s always him that I miss. Knowing that someone is saving you a seat is the best thing you can possibly know. Knowing that someone can see right through you, that someone will not let just anything pass, it’s such a comfort. My brother is really okay, I think.
One of the best conversations I had with him was when I was telling him about some nerd from school who’d really annoyed me that day. I didn’t even get to that part, because Toby just blurted, “A nerd? That’s so stupid! I mean – a person who likes being smart! Yes, I hate her already! Why would anyone enjoy reading?” Needless to say, I stopped talking at once. He’s the coolest and the weirdest and he probably won’t be bothered to even read this. But he’ll high-five me in the morning before leaving for work and he’ll look for me in my room when he comes back and he’ll shout a Good Night at the wall for me to hear when he goes to bed, and that’s all I’m asking for.
I hope you all have great siblings. It’s good to be friends with them, because even though they can drive you mad, they are still part of your crazy family and maybe the only ones to ever come close to understanding you.
Talk to you soon! Cheers! xxx