Well, I mean they do. They say that pretty boys will break your heart and they say that everybody has to start from zero. But then it never feels as if they told you it would be like this! They don’t tell you that some days you’ll want to hide under the bed with all the monsters and roll around in self pity. And they don’t tell you that some days, even though you’re a grown adult, you’ll wish for your Hogwarts Letter to finally arrive. And they don’t even explain to you what it means to be stuck in second gear until you are stuck yourself.
And I am over-thinking and over-working and over-studying, over- talking, over-analysing, over-assuming, and I over-conclude all the things that make me anxious, and no one told me there‘d be so many of them!
But they also don‘t tell you that just because it‘s not your day, your week, your month or your year – it doesn‘t stop being your life. I‘m saying that because I feel like right now my life is sort of happening beside me. It‘s really hard to get it all under control again when there‘s so many things happening at once, and even tea and a jar of Nutella won‘t help in this. I feel that if I have to write another paper, I‘ll scream. So many hours sat before a laptop and the remainig spent in a dimly lit take-away and grey lecture halls, with my mind spinning and juggling and racing and frisking.
But what they especially don‘t tell you is that there‘s always somebody to cheer you up. Like the day I was feeling heart broken and my friend took me book shopping, and I chose a book just because it looked pretty!
Or the other day when I just needed an adapter from someone and we ended up drinking wine until 2 am. And I had yet to prepare an assignment for the next morning but it‘s hard to care when it‘s already too late anyway.
And just now when I couldn‘t look at any more homework or even think of going outside again, and this person bought chocolates and had me watch Ashton Kutcher with her. And we sang all the songs to One Direction, because we can, and and we talked about pink couches and never ending sunsets and boyfriends that aren‘t ours.
So, no, they didn‘t tell me life was gonna be this way. It is. But it‘s also full of things that can make you laugh, like cats and alcohol and friends. And maybe you are stuck in second gear, but maybe you don‘t need to rush. Maybe it‘s a good thing to just stay and let it be. I don‘t know. Maybe it‘s just an okayish thing. But when the rain starts to pour, that‘s one of the realest things ever to happen, because it‘ll make things grow and it‘ll make you listen to it when you‘re lying in bed at night, and it‘ll make you remember warm things and dances and kisses, and maybe, maybe things are really gonna be okay, too.
I hope you‘re not stressed out! Have a lovely week!
Lots of Love!