Blogmas (Day 11) – A Christmas Story

Hello Lovelies!

For tonight’s post I decided to share a little Christmas story with you. I actually dug one up I wrote a few years back, and I was going to let you read it, but so far I haven’t mustered up the energy to properly edit that shit. So maybe another day.

But here’s one story that makes me smile everytime. The original story is by Toni Lauerer. I translated it from the Bavarian, so I undertook a couple of changes, because no one would understand why the word «Apfent» is funny.

It was three weeks before Christmas, when Dad finally put up the nativitiy set in the living room. Because we begged and got on his nerves, my little sister and I were finally allowed to assist him.

Most nativity sets are boring, but ours happened to be the opposite, because it contained the most awesome characters. Well, it gradually ended up containing them, anyway. It started with me putting the nativity set quite close to the fire that was burning in the oven, because I was worried about Joseph and Baby Jesus catching a cold. But, as it turned out, it was way too hot for them there. Baby Jesus turned all black and Joseph split into a thousand pieces. One of his feet actually landed in mum‘s cookie mixture, and, boy, did she yell at me. Sure, it was not a pretty sight at all. Mum mourned that not even the Saints were save from my actions.

It was a bit sad to see Mary standing there all on her own. So I organised some company for her. Joseph was replaced by Donald Duck. I wanted to use Asterix as Baby Jesus, because he‘s the only figure that is so small it fits in the crib. But mum insisted that Asterix was not fit for the role of Jesus (not even when he was still pooping himself) and that I should leave Baby Jesus as he was. Sure, he was black, but he still looked like Baby Jesus.
Behind Baby Jesus, there were two oxen, a donkey, a hippopotamus and a brontosaurus. I‘d put the hippopotamus and the brontosaurus the because the oxen and the donkey were just really really dull.

On the right hand side of the barn, the Three Wise Men were trudging along.
One of them had fallen down the previous year while dad had been cleaning. Now we had Two Wise Men and One Wise Batman.
Usually, the Wise Men have loads of shit for Baby Jesus, like gold and frankincense and myrrh; ours were carrying a chewing gum paper instead of gold, but it glittered all the same. And one of them was holding onto a Marlboro, because we had no frankincense, but when you light a Marlboro it smells too, so the difference wasn‘t all too grave. Batman had a gun with him. It wasn‘t technically a present for Baby Jesus, but he‘d use it to defend the Holy Family from the dinosaur.

Right behind the Three Wise Men, a couple of red skinned Indians and a very pale looking angel were stood. The angel had lost a foot, and he was now sitting on a motor cycle, so he would not be hurting so much at the arrival of Baby Jesus. He could ride the motor cycle, too, if he wasn‘t too busy flying.

On the barn‘s left hand side, Red Riding Hood was standing. She was carrying a pizza and some wheat for her grandmother. We couldn‘t find a wolf anywhere, so instead, behind the tree, there was a luring calf.

There wasn‘t anything else in our nativity set, but I always felt that was quite enough. In the evening we always turned on the little lights and illuminated the whole scene, which made it even more spectacular. We always sat around it and sang Christmas Carols, and it wasn‘t perfect, but it was us, and that would always be good enough.

Lots of Love from the Roots of my Heart!
xxx

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