So Blogmas sort of went down the hill, didn’t it? The past few days before Christmas I was just so incredibly busy with work and showing my Honduran host brother around Switzerland that I hardly got any time to do anything else. And now I’m sitting on a full train to Salzburg, Austria, Christmas lies well behind and I’m trying desperately not to feel self conscious about the fact that I’m just sitting here taking selfies.
It being Christmas I read a few Christmas novels (I may not have time to keep up with my duties, but I’ll always find a way to steal some time for a good book!) such as ”Let It Snow”, ”My True Love Gave To Me” and ”Christmas With Billy And Me.” If we’re not to get real snow it’s nice to at least read about it. I like how all the stories are about Christmas Miracles and how we always tell ourselves that believing in those miracles is pointless because they are not real, but that sometimes they are. Like the fact that today I missed the bus by a mere second and I thought that maybe god had had it with my sillyness (like, why didn’t I just pack yesterday? Why?) and decided to let me miss my bus, thus letting me miss my train, thus having to figure out how to get to Salzburg all ove again. But I got to the station and I ran, and there was a woman standing on the platform and I shouted, so she held the train’s door open for me and I got on the train and now I’m on my way. And maybe it was just good luck and not a miracle, maybe it was just an old lady and not a heavensent angel, but maybe sometimes we have to acknowledge the fact that the universe does care about us.
I tend to get overly anxious about things. What if I didn’t bring my passport? What if I didn’t bring it and I need to show it somewhere? What if I get into trouble bcause I can’t prove my identity? Whatifwhatifwhatif! And then there’s my thinking that if I check I will most certainly not have it, because that’s how it works. That’s how life works. Except that it’s not. It’s not because the universe or god or Zeus or Tolkien or whoever it is that you pray to at night does not want to hurt you or watch you fail. You don’t have to be religious and it doesn’t have to be Christmas for you to trust that things will turn out fine in the end. I have my passport. I checked and it’s there, and the only bad thing that has happened today was my anxiety weigh me down. And sometimes bad things happen and I don’t have an explanation for them but I take comfort in the fact that without her cancer, Hazel Grace would never have met Augustus, and without his, he would have had to live a long life without her.
I hope that some day I can just let go of all the things that worry me and then maybe feel a little bit lighter.
I hope all of you got their own Christmas Miracles and I will talk to you very soon!